Wednesday, July 31, 2013


When most people think about prayer, it is thinking about the prayer we do when we eat.  No one considers prayer at other times (OK it might just be me J ) I pray a lot more than I used to, as you well know my life had a dramatic change last year.  When I pray for others, I don’t pray that they be healed or that the Dr. will do well with their surgery, I pray that God’s will be done in their life.  I pray this in my life as well.  I don’t pray for my own healing.  I have asked God to heal me in the past, especially in the beginning, but it has changed for me.  Foremost, I want God to be the leader in my life.  I do not want to be the leader.  I do however, like to try and take control a lot.  This just ends in things being worse off.  At this point I want the Lord to do with my life as He wishes.  The only end I would like to see is that He will be glorified.

Just to share what happened in a time of prayer to me the other day.  Monday, I was sitting at my desk at work.   I had so much on my heart.  My wife having struggles with things going on in her life, my mother struggling to go on living as her body and mind are failing her, my father having heart problems and having stints put in yesterday and this is on top of the fact I have been having 4-5 panic attacks a day from stress and just realizing my own mortality.  It came to a point where it was quiet, so I decided I would read the bible for a few minutes (Which sadly is a reality for me) As I read, I felt the need to pray because I have a person’s name taped above my desk that has brain cancer and have been praying for.  I closed my eyes and started to pray for her, along with the other items that have weighed on my heard.  I started to cry, when I felt someone place their hand on my back to comfort me.  I opened my eyes to look and no one was there.  Then I realized exactly who it was.   It was a moment that I will never forget.  Yes, some of you may be thinking I have brain damage, but it was as physically real as anything I have ever felt.  The Lord knew I needed that;   I needed to know He was right beside me and knew what I have been going through.  It makes me extremely humble and grateful that the Lord chose this time to be physically present for a brief moment when I really needed Him.  

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Long overdue update

I am not even sure how long it has been since I have posted an update on my health, mainly because nothing much had really changed to speak of.  They have finally gotten control of my mini-seizures that I was having at least one time a day and sometimes 2-3 a day.  After adding some medication slowly, I believe I have not had any in over a month.  I have had another thing come up though.  I have been having panic attacks.   I believe they actually came about the time my mini-seizures were subsiding and I was thinking that they were mini-seizures.  I have never had them before and they are pretty scary.  There are varying levels I have been having…the mildest is like the feeling that you are leaning back in a chair on two legs and you start to fall.  The other extreme is heart beating fast and sweating and the feeling of helplessness.  Neither are good feelings.  The weirdest things set them off.  I was in the airport the other day waiting for a flight and I was reading about Paula Deen.  I saw where she had started “The Bag Lady” business in 1989.  That made me think back to 1989 and how young I was then and then it made me think of my age now and the seriousness of my disease….and then bam, panic attack.  I have had them while watching my sons do something that I did back when I was their age and that sets them off.  There are other things that set them off as well…not a good feeling. 
I have started to try and exercise again, believe it or not.  Back when I was trying before was when the seizures would actually happen right after exercising.  That kind of makes you not want to do this.  Please pray for me that this does not start up again, I really do want to exercise and be healthy.  I have started out just walking, I doubt my knees can handle running, but we will see.  I am very proud of my wife who has become the best runner I know and has something to be proud of.  She has a great group of friends who she runs with and spends time with that have become like sisters to her.  Something she has never had before.  Thank you to them….you know who you are. 
Things have become much more routine and less urgent (Which I hate that feeling)  I really thought that by now God would have called me to something bigger than all of this.  However, God has placed me in a position to where I can make a difference.  This is no different than your life, He has just given me a different story to share while sharing His love.  I have had some opportunities where I thought did not turn out well, but only find out later it was quite the opposite.  I am so thankful that I am allowed to share with friends and acquaintances about God’s love and will do so till the day I die.
Something for you to think about.  We had the idea in our community group to go to a local grocery store and help people bag their groceries and unload them in their car, as well as treat the employees to lunch.  We gathered at the grocery store and had prayer first.  I then went in and asked to speak to the manager.  I told him what we would like to do and the first thing he said was that he would have to call the district manager to make sure it was ok to do.  After a few minutes he came back and said that we could not do it because they cannot accept gratuities.  I explained that we were not giving them money just lunch.  He said that that was not possible.  So I asked if we did not give them lunch could we do the rest .  He again said we could not help people bag groceries nor help them unload them at their car because it was not in their guidelines to do so.  We were banned from HELPING PEOPLE.  What has this world become when we are not allowed to do something nice for people because it is not in the “playbook”  We need to show the world they are reading out of the wrong playbook and show them the one and only playbook that God has given us.  Find opportunities to be nice to others for no reason.  Buy them lunch, mow their grass when they are on vacation, bring them dinner for no reason (Or invite them to dinner) Share God’s love.