Friday, October 26, 2012

Time is not your friend

Some of you have asked when I was going to update my blog again.  Well, I have finally decided to sit down and write.  Believe it or not, ever since I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February, Kara and I have been the busiest we have ever been in our lives.  We used to be the boring people that sat together every night and watched TV.  Now we have something to do most every night and it has gotten to the point that we don’t have very much free time.  In fact I came home from work on Monday and put my pajamas on at 5:30. Kara asked what I was doing, I said I am going to go get in the bed and sit there till we go to sleep, and I did.   But during all of this hustle and bustle, both Kara and I have had time to talk to others about their lives, serve the Lord in ways we had never thought of before, and been able to get to know each other more. 
There is this thing that has been on my mind for several days that I thought I would share with you.  It is an analogy that hopefully will not be a wasted one and one that you cannot relate to so forgive me in advance if it does not make sense.  I was thinking about my life the other day and basically the time it has taken to get to this point.  So many days have passed since being born and so many memories formed some good and some bad.  I will be 44 on December 12, and looking back I see the biggest mistake is a pre-conceived notion of how long I have left in life.  I liken it to a gas gauge in a car.  We start out at full when we are born, then we base life choices on where that needle is on the gauge.  In our twenties, we look at the gauge and it may be around ¾ a tank.  So we say,” hey I can live like a college student for a while more.”  Then we get to around my age, in our forties, and see that the gauge is around ½ a tank.  We start worrying about having enough money to retire on, how to pay for our kids college (For those of us that had our children in our thirties) and we start looking at our life more seriously and wonder what life is really about.  If we are Christians, a lot of us start looking at maybe we should start taking our Christian life serious.  Start praying more, start serving more, and so many more things that we have probably only half-way did because we still had half a tank to go.  I know I have done this, and I regret it.  Know why?  Because the bottom half of the tank isn’t the same as the top half.  I have had many cars in my life, way too many.  But one thing I have noticed is how the gauge in the cars have all been different.  But one thing I have found on those cars is that the “top” half of the tank is never the same as the “bottom” half.  Most of mine had a larger top half than a bottom half.  This is true about life. Just because you are at ¾ or ½ don’t expect that to be a true indicator of how long you have left.  My father has become the oldest Elmore to live in our family lineage.  His father and grandfather both died in their 50s and 60s.  My father is now 79.  I have always kind of lined up his life with mine and thought I would follow right along behind him into my 80s.  This year I have found that out the hard way.  Where I thought I was at mid-life, I could actually be at end-life.  Those plans of serving God that I had for the future, when I had more time, could be wiped out.  The time I have spent to get to this point was more bench sitting than serving God.  Yes I am a Christian, but I did not serve as I should have.   Don’t let the needle be your guide, it is not correct.  You may or may not have the time you think you have.  Spend more time serving our Lord now, not later.  Spend more time with your family now, not later.  Pray more now, share your testimony now, visit your neighbors now……time is not on your side. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

An update

Well, some of you may be wondering where I have been.  I have been busy….I have been frustrated….I have been depressed….I have been many other things.  The last few weeks or months, not sure how long it has been since I “blogged” last, have been very stressful to say the least.  I have been having seizures quite frequently which have led to depression and frustration.  Each time I have one it feels like a setback. When I have 2 or 3 a day it becomes very depressing because it feels like I am losing the battle against the tumor.  Of course the battle is not up to me.  God has a plan.  I still do not know all of the details in this plan, but He has given me and Kara chances to share our story, from my side as the person with the tumor, as well as her side having to watch me go through it.  I have been amazed at how well she has done this too.  With all of this, running has become her outlet to relieve her mind from all of this.  She told a friend that running is the one thing she can control so she does it to give her a sense of control in a life where everything else feels out of control.  During this time she has gotten very serious about running and has really impressed me with her determination and dedication.  She ran a 10 mile race while we were at Disney and finished in the mid 50s out of 5800 women and in the mid 200s out of almost 10,000 men and women.  I am very proud of her.  During the last few months people have changed in how they have conversed with me.  People that I thought would be there for me no matter what, have not.  Others that I would have not considered close to me, have called at the right time or sent me a message of encouragement when I needed it.  So I have been surprised and disappointed all at once.  I have never been one to be there for people in need because I was not comfortable with situations that involved terminal illness or death, so I am sure that has something to do with it and understand.  But now being on the other side of the fence, I have found it to be a necessity to do what I can to be there for people when they are facing an illness or maybe even death.  I am still not good at it, but God has given me an ability to talk where before I could not. 
Well I go back on October 17 for my next 2 month check up.  Please pray that the tumor has not grown, and while you are at it pray that it shrinks, but either way please just pray.  Along those lines, please do not feel  “afraid” to talk to me about  anything.  I know some people don’t like to talk about their illness, but I am just the opposite.  So if you are wondering how I am doing, then please ask.  I don’t want to go through this with just my family.  We need support, your support