Tuesday, October 9, 2012

An update

Well, some of you may be wondering where I have been.  I have been busy….I have been frustrated….I have been depressed….I have been many other things.  The last few weeks or months, not sure how long it has been since I “blogged” last, have been very stressful to say the least.  I have been having seizures quite frequently which have led to depression and frustration.  Each time I have one it feels like a setback. When I have 2 or 3 a day it becomes very depressing because it feels like I am losing the battle against the tumor.  Of course the battle is not up to me.  God has a plan.  I still do not know all of the details in this plan, but He has given me and Kara chances to share our story, from my side as the person with the tumor, as well as her side having to watch me go through it.  I have been amazed at how well she has done this too.  With all of this, running has become her outlet to relieve her mind from all of this.  She told a friend that running is the one thing she can control so she does it to give her a sense of control in a life where everything else feels out of control.  During this time she has gotten very serious about running and has really impressed me with her determination and dedication.  She ran a 10 mile race while we were at Disney and finished in the mid 50s out of 5800 women and in the mid 200s out of almost 10,000 men and women.  I am very proud of her.  During the last few months people have changed in how they have conversed with me.  People that I thought would be there for me no matter what, have not.  Others that I would have not considered close to me, have called at the right time or sent me a message of encouragement when I needed it.  So I have been surprised and disappointed all at once.  I have never been one to be there for people in need because I was not comfortable with situations that involved terminal illness or death, so I am sure that has something to do with it and understand.  But now being on the other side of the fence, I have found it to be a necessity to do what I can to be there for people when they are facing an illness or maybe even death.  I am still not good at it, but God has given me an ability to talk where before I could not. 
Well I go back on October 17 for my next 2 month check up.  Please pray that the tumor has not grown, and while you are at it pray that it shrinks, but either way please just pray.  Along those lines, please do not feel  “afraid” to talk to me about  anything.  I know some people don’t like to talk about their illness, but I am just the opposite.  So if you are wondering how I am doing, then please ask.  I don’t want to go through this with just my family.  We need support, your support

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