Friday, December 7, 2012

Dark Room

The last couple of days have been strange for me.  This feeling I have gotten once or twice before has come back and it is really indescribable.  I wonder if this is what it feels like to have no hope, or if it is what it feels like to be apathetic.  Is it a feeling that makes you want to say…”I am here, but why?”  It really weighted me down this morning going to work.  It is like being in a large pitch black room by yourself.   I wish I knew why I feel this way, or at least had a clue.  It affects my wife and my two boys; they can tell when something is going on with me even though my personality can change in an instant.   I wish they did not have to go through all of this with me.  I wish they would have a normal life, instead of the roller coaster that we are on.  I know God’s timing is perfect.  I wish though that He would show me why my life is headed in the direction it is sooner than when I get to that point.  I pray O Lord that You guide me to do only Your will in my life, no matter what it is.  I still pray for that amazing God given miracle in my life, no matter what the actual miracle is, as long as it points to you.
I am Yours God.

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