The last couple of days have been strange for me. This feeling I have gotten once or twice before has come back and it is really indescribable. I wonder if this is what it feels like to have no hope, or if it is what it feels like to be apathetic. Is it a feeling that makes you want to say…”I am here, but why?” It really weighted me down this morning going to work. It is like being in a large pitch black room by yourself. I wish I knew why I feel this way, or at least had a clue. It affects my wife and my two boys; they can tell when something is going on with me even though my personality can change in an instant. I wish they did not have to go through all of this with me. I wish they would have a normal life, instead of the roller coaster that we are on. I know God’s timing is perfect. I wish though that He would show me why my life is headed in the direction it is sooner than when I get to that point. I pray O Lord that You guide me to do only Your will in my life, no matter what it is. I still pray for that amazing God given miracle in my life, no matter what the actual miracle is, as long as it points to you.
I am Yours God.