Friday, August 3, 2012

Letters from the past...written for the future

One week from today is my 16th wedding anniversary.  It so happened that the card that Kara gave me 51 weeks ago today is sitting on my desk at work.  It has been sitting there for quite a while without being read, and basically invisible to me, until today.  Today, I saw it and picked it up to read again….then I cried.  She wrote this many months before we would find out that I have an inoperable brain tumor that would change everything about our life.  The thing is, it has now taken on a very new meaning.   There are a couple of things that stand out that God knew I needed to read today.  1) Kara wrote…”we have made it thru such hard times in the past few years.  Most couples would give up but it has made us stronger and more determined to come out on top.”   Yes several things happened in the previous years that were hard to bear but we made it through it and also grew closer together. Looking back, I can now see why God put those things in our lives; it was to prepare us for now.  If we had not gone through those trials, we could not have been ready for this…period.  Though it is still tough, God knew what the next step was and was preparing us for it.  2)  Kara also said, “I am proud of your determination and the fact that you never give up.”    Wow!  That meant so much to me to know that she sees me as a fighter.  Through all my failures (Which at this point I cannot list all of them, nor would you want to know) she saw that I did not give up fighting.  That gave me a boost I needed today.  I have had the symptoms come back over the last few weeks, though right now they are not there, but every time it was not that it was painful or even scary, it was defeating to me to have to take more pills. (I can’t explain why that is)  This letter to me though written almost a year before now, has given me the push to keep on fighting and to be here as long as I can for and with my family.  I am far from being the best husband nor am I the model father, but I want to spend as many days with my family as I possibly can.  Thank you Kara for writing me this letter a year ago, it meant a lot to me then, but not like it does today.  I needed this today and God knew it, long before you even wrote it. 

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