Been a long time since you have heard from me

     Thank you for the 7 that still follow me, after I have not posted I believe in over a year.  It has been tough over a year now.  Toward the end of 2013 and well into 2014 I began to fall into a deep depression, that I never thought I would get out of.  I started having seizures and I could not legally drive for 6 months after the last seizure.  Well after 1 year 7 months and 8 days I was able to drive again.  Praise God! 
     During that time, I watched my mother go from a vibrant mother/grandmother to a person who did not know any of us and wasted away due to Dementia.  I was with her on July 26th, along with my wife, to help her leave this world and step into heaven as a whole and healed person.  I didn't feel sorry, but joy, when she left us.  She is in a much better place than all of us.  Thank God for salvation!
     Over the past year, I have had more trials than I can name.  In March I found out that my cancer had changed from a Grade II to a Grade III and was going to require Radiation and Chemo.  This was not a good thing.  After finding I would be driven to Duke and back 5 days a week for 6 weeks, I reached out to friends to see if anyone could help pay for some of my gas.  I thought that I calculated right in the increment and asked for 500.00 hoping to get anything.  I got $500 in about 2 hours.  When it was all said and done with, the generosity was unbelievable.  I received about $1400, and guess what, that was exactly what I needed to get through it all (Apparently, I can't math....as I have been humorously told)  God is amazing! I am now on Chemo 5 days on and then 23 off.  The 5 days has been kicking my butt...but it is worth it.   Another blow came on July 7th when I could not reach my father.  I kept calling him while driving from Greensboro to his house.  Occasionally, he would go out and take himself out to eat, or go and sit beside my mother's burial plot.  This night my wife and I got there at about 7-7:30 and seen his car in garage.  I found the key in the secret hiding place and unlocked the door.  I yelled for him as I walked to where he spent his time in the basement.  When I turned the corner, he was sitting in his chair behind the computer where he always liked to sit, with his dog by his side, and had died.  Exactly where he wanted to go.  I am going to miss him.  I don't know how many times I have wanted to call him and tell him about something funny or just to talk to him.  I had talked to him about being a Christian and he assured me every time that he was a Christian.  So he is with my mom now, worshiping the Lord.  So much to take in all at once for you I know, but God is good and I love my God.  I pray that each day I can be a person that brings people to know Him, instead of pushing them away.  Thank you God for forgiveness.

2 year anniversary #1

OK it sounds weird, but today is the 2 year anniversary of the start of symptoms which would one week later would be diagnosed as a inoperable brain tumor.  During the last two years I have experienced lots of things....both bad and good.  I have been in what seems like the depths of Hell for several months last year in a consuming depression.  I have experienced being told I have something that will probably eventually kill me.  Those things suck.  But what makes it worth it all are the following
1)  Having my whole church body surround me and pray for me.

2) Have people I don't know tell me that they have been praying for me.

3) Being able to pray with a good friend in a situation I would have fled from.

4) Sharing my story with people I don't know....in a hospital.....in a tattoo parlor....in Chic-fila

5) Taking every opportunity I can to actually stop and talk with others....when I ask "how are you doing?" stop and actually listen when they respond.

6) Learn what is more important in life and what is not.

7) Recently, being able to baptize someone from our community group (My new favorite)

8) Meeting many people who have either just found out, or have lived through excruciating chemo and surgery to survive one of the many types of Brain tumors and cheer each other on.

There are so many stories that I could go on and on about.  God has moved in some miraculous ways just in the last two years.  Much more than what I would have ever expected.   To sum it up the best thing I have found that for the most part I am excited to get up and see what God has planned for me today.  Whatever it is, I can live with that :)

Not what you expect

Well it has been quite a while since I have written anything about whats going on with me. The last time I went to the doctor I got a good report.  She was pleased with the progress with the Chemo, and in two weeks I may even get to quit taking it for a while.  I also was taken off of one of the medications I was on for seizures.  Another good thing, right?   So how is my life going?  Not so good.  So you ask why would I not be excited about what is good reports about the tumor and not having to take so much medicine....well I am happy about that, the problem is life.  Here, a year and a half after being diagnosed, I have crashed.  I don't know what started it.....I have a loving family and some great friends, so what happened?  I spent a long time to start opening up about it to anyone, even my wife.  Mainly I didn't know how to express the way I felt.  I isolated myself and got to the point of thinking about things that no person should.  This depression had gotten consuming to the point I could not sleep giving me even more time to think about it.  I started talking to my wife about a week ago, she knew I was going through something but not what.  It helped to talk to her about it, even though I didn't want to burden her with even more problems.  I also opened up to a good friend of mine and told him a lot of what has been going on.  It is hard for a guy to open up about deep personal things to another guy.  It is not in the "Man code" to do so.  He went through a similar thing after an even in his life about a year and a half after it had happened.  So he understood, kind of, what was going on.  So with their help, I have started climbing out of that dark hell that I do not want to fall back into.  I have a long ways to go before I can say I am "back" but I am making progress.  Yesterday, my wife sent me a link to a youtube video.  I have heard the song many times, it is a well written song.  The thing was, until she sent me that I had not really listened to the words.  The video also included the words to the song.....I started listening and reading the words and realized that the person that had wrote it, wrote it with me in mind.  It describes how and what I feel.  Maybe of the 3 people that will read this blog, one of you feel the same and can understand.  Here is the video:

Thank you to those that recognize that others are hurting and give a shoulder to cry on.  Being a Christian is not yelling at those that do something wrong.  It is the whispering voice telling the crying friend that it will be alright.Be that shoulder, be that whispering voice to those around you.  Show them that God loves them.

Prayer

Prayer

When most people think about prayer, it is thinking about the prayer we do when we eat.  No one considers prayer at other times (OK it might just be me J ) I pray a lot more than I used to, as you well know my life had a dramatic change last year.  When I pray for others, I don’t pray that they be healed or that the Dr. will do well with their surgery, I pray that God’s will be done in their life.  I pray this in my life as well.  I don’t pray for my own healing.  I have asked God to heal me in the past, especially in the beginning, but it has changed for me.  Foremost, I want God to be the leader in my life.  I do not want to be the leader.  I do however, like to try and take control a lot.  This just ends in things being worse off.  At this point I want the Lord to do with my life as He wishes.  The only end I would like to see is that He will be glorified.

Just to share what happened in a time of prayer to me the other day.  Monday, I was sitting at my desk at work.   I had so much on my heart.  My wife having struggles with things going on in her life, my mother struggling to go on living as her body and mind are failing her, my father having heart problems and having stints put in yesterday and this is on top of the fact I have been having 4-5 panic attacks a day from stress and just realizing my own mortality.  It came to a point where it was quiet, so I decided I would read the bible for a few minutes (Which sadly is a reality for me) As I read, I felt the need to pray because I have a person’s name taped above my desk that has brain cancer and have been praying for.  I closed my eyes and started to pray for her, along with the other items that have weighed on my heard.  I started to cry, when I felt someone place their hand on my back to comfort me.  I opened my eyes to look and no one was there.  Then I realized exactly who it was.   It was a moment that I will never forget.  Yes, some of you may be thinking I have brain damage, but it was as physically real as anything I have ever felt.  The Lord knew I needed that;   I needed to know He was right beside me and knew what I have been going through.  It makes me extremely humble and grateful that the Lord chose this time to be physically present for a brief moment when I really needed Him.  

Long overdue update

I am not even sure how long it has been since I have posted an update on my health, mainly because nothing much had really changed to speak of.  They have finally gotten control of my mini-seizures that I was having at least one time a day and sometimes 2-3 a day.  After adding some medication slowly, I believe I have not had any in over a month.  I have had another thing come up though.  I have been having panic attacks.   I believe they actually came about the time my mini-seizures were subsiding and I was thinking that they were mini-seizures.  I have never had them before and they are pretty scary.  There are varying levels I have been having…the mildest is like the feeling that you are leaning back in a chair on two legs and you start to fall.  The other extreme is heart beating fast and sweating and the feeling of helplessness.  Neither are good feelings.  The weirdest things set them off.  I was in the airport the other day waiting for a flight and I was reading about Paula Deen.  I saw where she had started “The Bag Lady” business in 1989.  That made me think back to 1989 and how young I was then and then it made me think of my age now and the seriousness of my disease….and then bam, panic attack.  I have had them while watching my sons do something that I did back when I was their age and that sets them off.  There are other things that set them off as well…not a good feeling. 

I have started to try and exercise again, believe it or not.  Back when I was trying before was when the seizures would actually happen right after exercising.  That kind of makes you not want to do this.  Please pray for me that this does not start up again, I really do want to exercise and be healthy.  I have started out just walking, I doubt my knees can handle running, but we will see.  I am very proud of my wife who has become the best runner I know and has something to be proud of.  She has a great group of friends who she runs with and spends time with that have become like sisters to her.  Something she has never had before.  Thank you to them….you know who you are. 

Things have become much more routine and less urgent (Which I hate that feeling)  I really thought that by now God would have called me to something bigger than all of this.  However, God has placed me in a position to where I can make a difference.  This is no different than your life, He has just given me a different story to share while sharing His love.  I have had some opportunities where I thought did not turn out well, but only find out later it was quite the opposite.  I am so thankful that I am allowed to share with friends and acquaintances about God’s love and will do so till the day I die.

Something for you to think about.  We had the idea in our community group to go to a local grocery store and help people bag their groceries and unload them in their car, as well as treat the employees to lunch.  We gathered at the grocery store and had prayer first.  I then went in and asked to speak to the manager.  I told him what we would like to do and the first thing he said was that he would have to call the district manager to make sure it was ok to do.  After a few minutes he came back and said that we could not do it because they cannot accept gratuities.  I explained that we were not giving them money just lunch.  He said that that was not possible.  So I asked if we did not give them lunch could we do the rest .  He again said we could not help people bag groceries nor help them unload them at their car because it was not in their guidelines to do so.  We were banned from HELPING PEOPLE.  What has this world become when we are not allowed to do something nice for people because it is not in the “playbook”  We need to show the world they are reading out of the wrong playbook and show them the one and only playbook that God has given us.  Find opportunities to be nice to others for no reason.  Buy them lunch, mow their grass when they are on vacation, bring them dinner for no reason (Or invite them to dinner) Share God’s love.

It has been a while....but here is an update

It has been a rough few weeks.  I have had seizures on a consistent basis.  On average one every other day, but sometimes it has been one a day or sometimes two a day.  It doesn’t hurt, and I can typically feel them coming, it is just so darn frustrating, especially when it is multiple in one day.  I really can’t figure out why they have increased so much.  I am not doing anything different and most of the time I can’t associate them with stress.  Maybe God is trying to tell me to slow it down some.  I know I haven’t written lately, but for some reason I keep getting busier and busier.  Also, Kara has been doing quite a few races over the last few months.  I have been so proud of her, she is accomplishing a lot that most of us would not even attempt.  She ran a Marathon in January in Charleston SC, she has run a few 5Ks over the last few months, but the proudest I have been of her is the fact that she did two half marathons in two days.  After the first one in Greensboro on a Saturday, we went to Raleigh that afternoon and spent the night due to the Raleigh Rocks ½ was starting at 7:30 Sunday morning.  That night she was tired and achy because of the run that morning and she was scared that she might not finish.  I told her that she will feel better in the morning and will do fine.  Well, not only did she do fine but she set a new Personal Record for a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles to us that do not run) and came in 3^rd place for her age group.  When she crossed the finish line, she hugged me and said that she does this because she believes that every mile she runs will in turn add another year to my life.  So as many miles as she does run, I will outlive pretty much all of you combined. 

This weekend is going to be an exciting weekend for my family.  We will be attending for the first time the Angels among Us walk/run.  This is put on every year to raise money for the Preston R Tisch Brain Tumor Clinic at Duke Hospital where I go for treatment.  What is especially good news is that the money that is raised goes to research at the facility to find new ways to treat Brain Tumors.  So basically the money goes to find new ways to stop or eliminate tumors such as the one I have.  They will have a group of survivors (Ones that have not yet died from a brain tumor ….such as me) that will be recognized.  Also, there will be some researchers that will speak and update everyone on the upcoming treatments that they and others are working on to fight the battle against brain tumors.  I am so happy that I will have a fellow survivor Jennifer Hutchens to walk with me.  She was diagnosed last year with a Brain tumor and had it removed.  This was our first year raising money for the event and I set a goal of $10,000 dollars.  Right now we have just over $3000.00 I would love for you to join with me and fight my killer by giving money to research.  It is a tax-deductible contribution and you will receive an email you can use when you file your taxes next year.  The deadline for online contributions I believe is by the end of day Wednesday.  If you can only give $5.00 then please just do that.  If you are blessed enough to be able to give $5000.00 then I pray you will do that.  You would not be helping just me, and I would not be asking for you to do it if it were just me.  You will be helping thousands of people each year that are diagnosed with this deadly killer. 

You can donate by clicking on this link:

https://secure3.convio.net/dccc/site/Donation2?idb=104682054&1880.donation=form1&df_id=1880&FR_ID=1150&PROXY_ID=9771&PROXY_TYPE=22&JServSessionIdr004=z4kwdekhg4.app333b

Thank you! 

Anniversary

It is very hard to write something for the blog this month.  This month is the anniversary of the start of this new path in life that the Lord has given me.  February 17 is the first anniversary, this is the first day last year that I started having symptoms, February 24 is the next anniversary, it is the day that my life changed forever.  February 24 I was given the diagnosis of having a brain tumor.   With that in mind this month has started out horribly.  I have had some of the same feelings that I had back then already this month.  There have been the panic attacks, and nights where the sun setting has made me cry.  There are times in the morning and coming home from work where I have cried in both directions, listening to the songs that I listened to last year to get me through those times.  These are things I would have never expected to happen this year.  It is just like finding out again.  I can only take this as a reminder that the same God that got me through that dark time, will get me through this one.

                Looking back over this past year, I have had some really great friends to be there for my family and I really appreciate them taking the time to do so.  I have sat down and shared supper with them, I have sat down and have them pray for me, and then just have them come up and hug me and tell me they love me at just the right time.  Thank you so much.  Funny thing is, these are not even the people that I thought would be the ones to do that.   The ones I would have thought would be there were not found.  That has been hard to deal with. 

                The Lord has also given me a view of my life in a way I did not like.  I was a bench sitter for so long in sharing His son with others.  He showed me that and now I take every opportunity I can to share the love of Christ.  As I have said so many times here, I hope that you learn from what He has done in my life to make sure  you are where you are supposed to be in your walk with the Lord, and doing the things for Him that really matter.  We are not placed here to seek things for self for your entire life then die and that is it.  There is so much more to life if you allow the Lord to open your eyes to it.

                Finally, I want to thank each person that has prayed for my family and me.  There are many times that I could literally feel that I was being prayed for.  We recently had a lesson in our community group on praying for others.  Our society will say “I’m praying for you” just like you say “How are you doing?” we need to just not say these things, but follow up with what we say.  We committed to pray for another couple in our community group for at least a month.  This was a verbal commitment to the other couple while looking at them in the eyes and after talking with each other about things that need prayer.   We also were to contact each other over the course of the month and to let them know we are praying for their specific needs.  The reason I shared this is that when we pray for others, especially those that have a terminal illness, we also should contact them and let them know we are praying for them.  Better yet, go to their house and pray with them, or at least do it on the phone.  People need the touch of others, and prayer together is a great way to do this. 

                I want anyone that reads this to know….I love you.  The Lord also loves you.  If I can ever pray with you, please let me know.  If you have questions about the Lord, or what being a Christian is about, I would love to talk to you about this.  I can tell you this…..if it were not for my faith in the Lord, my life would have ended on February 24, 2012.  Instead, my life amazingly got better.  Yes I have bad days, so does everyone….yes I fail every day at trying to live like Christ…..but so do all Christians.  It is not the works that make us Christians,  being a Christian makes us want to do the works.

You can always contact me at gregelmore1212 at gmail.com.  Let me show you how you can have the hope that I have….even in a hopeless position.

Compliments go a long way

Thursday night on the way home from Band practice an interesting thing popped into my mind.  It was totally off the wall and I really don’t know what made me think of it, other than God wanting to show me something.  So anyway Kara was not at home when I got home, I got on Facebook and posted that “the next 10 people to private message me will get something for free from me” Well who doesn’t want something for free?  If I saw that I would be the first to jump in. I thought it was going to backfire because it took a little while before someone finally bit.  Guess what the free thing was….a compliment.  Yes, kind of goofy I know.  The thing about it though was that the more I did it, the more I wanted to do it.  Not only the responses much better than I thought they would be, my response (Which I had not considered) was unbelievable.  I am more of a realist I believe, than a pessimist or optimist.  But lately I have been depressed because I have felt alone and down.  Here almost a year later after diagnosis, the rush of people to console the family and to bring meals have waned.  Life has become fairly normal since there has no news, good or bad, in my fight against brain cancer.  The thing about doing this though, it made ME feel better about things, even though I was complimenting others.  Funny how God works things out.  Some of the things that just came out of the first batch of compliments……I got to tell my brother I love him (Probably the first time ever)  I got to connect with old friends and talk about things we did at School and previous Churches we attended, I got to pray for some people for things I had no clue about before this.  And that was only the first batch of people.  So I posted again and got even more people to give in to their curiosity.  Both the recipient of the compliment and I were truly blessed just from the simple act of telling them something positive.  I am now hooked.  I have had even more send me messages today just to say hey and ask if all the “free” stuff is gone.  Nope, I have all the free compliments you could ask for. 

I blogged about this today, after a long time of not blogging, because God has found yet another way  to change my life just by complimenting someone on a strength they have, or something they did for you in the past. We as humans, and especially Americans, have come to the point where everything we hear is negative, the news, the newspaper, even on Yahoo.com.  News has become the most negative outlet we are bombarded with constantly.  I challenge you to do something similar to what I have done, get people to talk to you and then compliment them.  If it takes doing something like I did and build up enough curiosity in people to contact you, then do it.  If it is telling someone you have known forever that you really appreciated that thing they did 20 years ago for you, tell them.   It will open things up between you  to talk about, and hopefully become involved in their lives again.  I am addicted, if you want a compliment, send me a text, private message in facebook, or just email me at gregelmore1212 at gmail.com  I would love to tell you what you mean to me.  Will you do the same for others?

Dark Room

The last couple of days have been strange for me.  This feeling I have gotten once or twice before has come back and it is really indescribable.  I wonder if this is what it feels like to have no hope, or if it is what it feels like to be apathetic.  Is it a feeling that makes you want to say…”I am here, but why?”  It really weighted me down this morning going to work.  It is like being in a large pitch black room by yourself.   I wish I knew why I feel this way, or at least had a clue.  It affects my wife and my two boys; they can tell when something is going on with me even though my personality can change in an instant.   I wish they did not have to go through all of this with me.  I wish they would have a normal life, instead of the roller coaster that we are on.  I know God’s timing is perfect.  I wish though that He would show me why my life is headed in the direction it is sooner than when I get to that point.  I pray O Lord that You guide me to do only Your will in my life, no matter what it is.  I still pray for that amazing God given miracle in my life, no matter what the actual miracle is, as long as it points to you.

I am Yours God.

My Favorite Meal ever

Today my pastor's lesson was on the Lord's Supper.  He spoke on the importance of eating in the bible, and how the Lord used meals as a time to teach us more about Him and bring us together and learn more about each other.  One meal in the bible that really had new light shed on it was the Passover.  I have heard about the Passover feast many times on my almost 44 years, but I had never realized that the Passover itself was God revealing what he was going to do for us in Jesus.  The blood of the Lamb without blemish (Jesus) was spread over the door post (Cross) to keep those inside from suffering from death.  Wow!  What an amazing foreshadowing of what was to come for all of us. God is amazing in using everything in His book to point to Himself and to also show us that He loves us.
The funny thing was that Pastor Dean asked us to think of the best meal we have ever had.  Most would think of the famous restaurant they have ate at...or the most expensive. Funny thing was that what popped into my mind wasn't any of those.  It was a meal that I had with my community group at Sir Pizza in Randleman when we had pretty much everyone there.  I remember standing at one end of the room we were in and looking at everyone interact.  It was a surreal feeling, like I wasn't there and watching everyone talk to each other.  But, I was there of course and enjoyed every minute of it.  Yes, this past Thursday, I ate Thanksgiving with my family and parents and was a great time, but my favorite meal so far in life was eating pizza with the rest of my family at Sir Pizza.

Amazing things God has done

It has been a few weeks since I have wrote anything in the blog so I thought I would share a few things that have happened.   Just to back track, I went for my latest 2 month check up and found that the tumor had slightly grown.  Also, they were concerned about an area inside the tumor enough to where they wanted me to start Chemotherapy.  As soon as the doctor told me this, I said I did not want to do that.  She asked me why and I said that I had already set out a timeline in which this didn’t fall into.  In my mind I did not think I would start any kind of treatment for another 4-5 years.  So for her to tell me that I needed to do this now, well, was unacceptable.  It took 45 minutes of arguing with her before she convinced me that I needed to start it now.  As of this Wednesday, I will have been on it for one month.  So far I have not had any bad side effects from the treatment.  The treatment is actually in Pill form and I take it every night before going to bed. I will have to do this a year total. 

 There have been some good and bad things that have happened because of this.  The bad…..I now spend $500.00 a month out of pocket for the Chemo medicine and the other medicines that I have been taking.  This is exactly $500.00 more than I have a month extra to spend.  But God has already started to show me that He will provide for me.  A few weeks ago a friend of mine called to talk because we don’t get to talk often and to see how I was doing.  We talked for a while when he asked what could he do to help me.  I told him that I was ok and there was really nothing he could help me with.  We started talking about other things and he asked again what he could do to help me.  I said everything is fine except the amount of money that I have to pay out of pocket for the medicine.  He told me he wanted to help me with that and two days later he deposited money in my bank account that equaled two months cost of medicine…..God is so awesome.  Another time a few days later I went to blow the leaves off of my lawn.  Already my riding mower and push mower had stopped working around August or September.  Now my blower would not start.  I posted on a group I started on facebook called “Buy Local” wanting to know if anyone knew of a good local lawn care company that could come out and remove leaves and mow the grass one more time.  The next day, my wife texted me and said a guy just knocked on the door and asked if this was the Elmore’s house.  Kara said yes and he said he was sent over to get my leaves up.  He did a great job and it took a little while to find out how he got there…a guy who I had not met, but was going to my church, found out that I needed lawn care service and sent his guy over to do it and paid for it.  I still have yet to meet him in person, but this was just another way God showed me that He is going to take care of me and my family. 

I don’t like to be the recipient of things like this, because I have always believed in paying my own way.  It is hard to accept….it feels like I am letting my family down.  However, God is showing me how he takes care of his Children.  As we have talked about at our church this weekend and in our building program we are currently going through, God doesn’t need our money to work, and besides that it is all his money anyway.  My family is going to follow Him in faith in our church’s building program…even though we know we do not have the money that we have committed to give to the program; we know that He will provide it to us just as He has over the last few weeks.  So if you are having problems with your finances, give it to the Lord with your whole heart and watch what He does.  It may not always be easy  but as long as you are doing it for His glory, in the long run it will be better.

Time is not your friend

Some of you have asked when I was going to update my blog again.  Well, I have finally decided to sit down and write.  Believe it or not, ever since I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February, Kara and I have been the busiest we have ever been in our lives.  We used to be the boring people that sat together every night and watched TV.  Now we have something to do most every night and it has gotten to the point that we don’t have very much free time.  In fact I came home from work on Monday and put my pajamas on at 5:30. Kara asked what I was doing, I said I am going to go get in the bed and sit there till we go to sleep, and I did.   But during all of this hustle and bustle, both Kara and I have had time to talk to others about their lives, serve the Lord in ways we had never thought of before, and been able to get to know each other more. 

There is this thing that has been on my mind for several days that I thought I would share with you.  It is an analogy that hopefully will not be a wasted one and one that you cannot relate to so forgive me in advance if it does not make sense.  I was thinking about my life the other day and basically the time it has taken to get to this point.  So many days have passed since being born and so many memories formed some good and some bad.  I will be 44 on December 12, and looking back I see the biggest mistake is a pre-conceived notion of how long I have left in life.  I liken it to a gas gauge in a car.  We start out at full when we are born, then we base life choices on where that needle is on the gauge.  In our twenties, we look at the gauge and it may be around ¾ a tank.  So we say,” hey I can live like a college student for a while more.”  Then we get to around my age, in our forties, and see that the gauge is around ½ a tank.  We start worrying about having enough money to retire on, how to pay for our kids college (For those of us that had our children in our thirties) and we start looking at our life more seriously and wonder what life is really about.  If we are Christians, a lot of us start looking at maybe we should start taking our Christian life serious.  Start praying more, start serving more, and so many more things that we have probably only half-way did because we still had half a tank to go.  I know I have done this, and I regret it.  Know why?  Because the bottom half of the tank isn’t the same as the top half.  I have had many cars in my life, way too many.  But one thing I have noticed is how the gauge in the cars have all been different.  But one thing I have found on those cars is that the “top” half of the tank is never the same as the “bottom” half.  Most of mine had a larger top half than a bottom half.  This is true about life. Just because you are at ¾ or ½ don’t expect that to be a true indicator of how long you have left.  My father has become the oldest Elmore to live in our family lineage.  His father and grandfather both died in their 50s and 60s.  My father is now 79.  I have always kind of lined up his life with mine and thought I would follow right along behind him into my 80s.  This year I have found that out the hard way.  Where I thought I was at mid-life, I could actually be at end-life.  Those plans of serving God that I had for the future, when I had more time, could be wiped out.  The time I have spent to get to this point was more bench sitting than serving God.  Yes I am a Christian, but I did not serve as I should have.   Don’t let the needle be your guide, it is not correct.  You may or may not have the time you think you have.  Spend more time serving our Lord now, not later.  Spend more time with your family now, not later.  Pray more now, share your testimony now, visit your neighbors now……time is not on your side. 

An update

Well, some of you may be wondering where I have been.  I have been busy….I have been frustrated….I have been depressed….I have been many other things.  The last few weeks or months, not sure how long it has been since I “blogged” last, have been very stressful to say the least.  I have been having seizures quite frequently which have led to depression and frustration.  Each time I have one it feels like a setback. When I have 2 or 3 a day it becomes very depressing because it feels like I am losing the battle against the tumor.  Of course the battle is not up to me.  God has a plan.  I still do not know all of the details in this plan, but He has given me and Kara chances to share our story, from my side as the person with the tumor, as well as her side having to watch me go through it.  I have been amazed at how well she has done this too.  With all of this, running has become her outlet to relieve her mind from all of this.  She told a friend that running is the one thing she can control so she does it to give her a sense of control in a life where everything else feels out of control.  During this time she has gotten very serious about running and has really impressed me with her determination and dedication.  She ran a 10 mile race while we were at Disney and finished in the mid 50s out of 5800 women and in the mid 200s out of almost 10,000 men and women.  I am very proud of her.  During the last few months people have changed in how they have conversed with me.  People that I thought would be there for me no matter what, have not.  Others that I would have not considered close to me, have called at the right time or sent me a message of encouragement when I needed it.  So I have been surprised and disappointed all at once.  I have never been one to be there for people in need because I was not comfortable with situations that involved terminal illness or death, so I am sure that has something to do with it and understand.  But now being on the other side of the fence, I have found it to be a necessity to do what I can to be there for people when they are facing an illness or maybe even death.  I am still not good at it, but God has given me an ability to talk where before I could not. 

Well I go back on October 17 for my next 2 month check up.  Please pray that the tumor has not grown, and while you are at it pray that it shrinks, but either way please just pray.  Along those lines, please do not feel  “afraid” to talk to me about  anything.  I know some people don’t like to talk about their illness, but I am just the opposite.  So if you are wondering how I am doing, then please ask.  I don’t want to go through this with just my family.  We need support, your support

Whats really important

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last few weeks.  Mainly on what is important in life. Of course we have ads bombarding us every day telling us what is important.  If I get an I-phone then I will be happier.  If I get a really nice car then that will be what does it for me.  Well we have let this bleed over into church too.  If   we go to a certain church and listen to the preacher tell us that God loves us and occasionally do something at church as our good deed of the day then everything will be fine and that will get us the chocolate bar with the golden ticket to get us in heaven and it will be ok.  The problem with our thinking today is that it is a load of crap.  Not a small dog turd, but a big elephant load of crap.  We are called to be different as Christians,  to step out of our comfort zone and help others.  Look at the bible, there are tons of examples that show us this.  Moses was a guy that could not physically talk in front of others.  But yet God used him to bring his people out of Egypt.  Noah was called by God to build an Ark when it hadn't rained...ever until that point.  People thought he was a lunatic, not just eccentric but certifiable. But Noah followed through with this anyway because God told him to do it.  So as Christians we should be different, but what does that mean?  Well it can mean many things.  But the main thing is to not be like the world.  If we look like, sound like, and smell like the world then what is the point?  Yes it is hard to do this.  But what is the point to be a Christian, if you are just like everyone else.  This doesn't mean to act holier than thou and to not associate with others that are not Christian.  It means to be genuine and give others something to long for.  This can be done without acting better than others.  This can mean to find ways to help others.  This means to be available to others, even if it is just to listen.  I have a long way to go on this.  I used to shut myself off from others because it is easier to do so.  Now I want every opportunity I can get to share with others, to listen to others, to help others.  I ask daily for God to put someone in my path to do something for.  Take an extra minute or two when you ask "How are you?" to listen and care what they say.  Make yourself available for this.  Invite your non-Christian friends to church, and live a Christian life in front of them.  If they don't go the first time, invite them the next time and keep inviting them.  DON'T GIVE UP!  I know this used to be just about me and my progress with the brain tumor I have.  God has given me such a burden for others over the last month or two.  A burden so powerful that I can't sleep a lot of the time.  I don't want others to waste their life like I have.  We have become consumers first but we need to be worshipers and doers for Christ.  It has taken 43 years to find a simple verse that is now the basis of life for me.  That is John 3:30 "He must become greater; I must become less."  Such a powerful statement in such a small verse.  But it has really instilled in me a new sense of purpose.  I hope you finish reading this and go away with a new sense of purpose as well.

Letters from the past...written for the future

One week from today is my 16^th wedding anniversary.  It so happened that the card that Kara gave me 51 weeks ago today is sitting on my desk at work.  It has been sitting there for quite a while without being read, and basically invisible to me, until today.  Today, I saw it and picked it up to read again….then I cried.  She wrote this many months before we would find out that I have an inoperable brain tumor that would change everything about our life.  The thing is, it has now taken on a very new meaning.   There are a couple of things that stand out that God knew I needed to read today.  1) Kara wrote…”we have made it thru such hard times in the past few years.  Most couples would give up but it has made us stronger and more determined to come out on top.”   Yes several things happened in the previous years that were hard to bear but we made it through it and also grew closer together. Looking back, I can now see why God put those things in our lives; it was to prepare us for now.  If we had not gone through those trials, we could not have been ready for this…period.  Though it is still tough, God knew what the next step was and was preparing us for it.  2)  Kara also said, “I am proud of your determination and the fact that you never give up.”    Wow!  That meant so much to me to know that she sees me as a fighter.  Through all my failures (Which at this point I cannot list all of them, nor would you want to know) she saw that I did not give up fighting.  That gave me a boost I needed today.  I have had the symptoms come back over the last few weeks, though right now they are not there, but every time it was not that it was painful or even scary, it was defeating to me to have to take more pills. (I can’t explain why that is)  This letter to me though written almost a year before now, has given me the push to keep on fighting and to be here as long as I can for and with my family.  I am far from being the best husband nor am I the model father, but I want to spend as many days with my family as I possibly can.  Thank you Kara for writing me this letter a year ago, it meant a lot to me then, but not like it does today.  I needed this today and God knew it, long before you even wrote it. 

Music Soothes the Mortal Soul

It has been a little while since I have wrote, not sure why but I just didn’t want to write something just to write it.  As most of you know I am very fond of music (to put it mildly) In high school I spent hours and hours driving around listening to it and all kinds of it, from Rock and Roll to Rap.  Not only did I listen to it but I memorized a lot about it.  The name of the groups, the story behind the song, and much more.  Music was my life. Well here I am over 20 years out of high school and music is still my life.  As anyone can tell you that has been around me lately, I still know music, and of course 80s music especially.  I can tell you what the very first video was on MTV ( Video killed the Radio star, by the Buggles)  I can tell you that Bye, Bye Miss American Pie was a song about Buddy Holly’s death and that Don McLean got to the point where he would not sing it because that was the only song he wrote that people wanted him to do. (He has since changed his mind).  I can tell you that the hit by the Eagles “Take it easy” was written by (At least started by) Jackson Browne and he couldn’t finish it so he gave it to Glen Frye of the Eagles and said finish it.  (It became one of their top songs)  I wont bore you with all the rest floating around in my mind (Which is probably why I can’t remember important things) but as you can tell music is still a very large portion of my life more than 20 years later.  The thing now is, the songs have started changing. About 8 years ago or so, I started going to a church where my Pastor now was music minister.  It had been a long time since I had picked up my bass guitar to play anything as it is not really fun to play bass guitar by yourself.  Somehow we got on to the subject and Dean and several others said that I should start playing again.  Well, unsure about it, Dean said just come to practice and play when you are ready to play.  It was not much longer, I was playing with the worship band at that church.  I stank then, and am not much better now, but it was a worshipful experience for me.  So I have continued playing and still do so at Northridge.  After being diagnosed with the brain tumor, things have changed a lot for me again with the music.  The words have been really speaking to me in many of the songs we do.   The reason why is that I am paying attention to the words and a lot of times, the Lord is speaking directly to me through that song.  For example one we have done recently is 10,000 reasons.  Here is the last verse:

“And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore”

This so much speaks to my soul.  To know that even after 10,000 years of praising our God, that will be just a short time in eternity standing before the throne of God praising him.  We really can’t even fathom that since our lives are so tied to time.  I still enjoy the occasional rock song, but I have focused on listening to Christian music that pleases the Lord.  I don’t think everyone should go out and burn all their Justin Bieber CDs (Well maybe those you could ) but I think that listening to music that praises our God certainly will help you lift your spirits and in turn  maybe you will be exited about praising him.  Not that I want to leave yet, I cannot wait until I am standing in front of God and at the right hand , Jesus and with all my being praising them.  Picture that the next time you are at church and are singing Amazing Grace if you are old school or How Great is our God  if you are new school.  Close you eyes and focus on the Lord and focus on praising Him with your all.

Two month Checkup

Well today I went in for the day long 2 month check up.  Actually I had to go get a MRI and then wait for them to read it then go see my regular doctor at the Cancer center all of this took pretty much all day....but I digress.  I am pleased to know that my tumor has NOT grown and has NOT changed types.  Yes it is unfortunately still there, but other than disappearing this is the next best thing for me.  I had lots of questions for my doctor today since I had started venturing out and reading some about the type tumor I have.  I asked about Clinical trials which right now I do not qualify for. But she did tell me about some things that are on the horizon for Low grade tumors....including a vaccination which could help me which was encouraging.  Overall, I am very pleased with the  appointment, now my next appointment will be August 15 for my next two month check up.
       I have been very burdened lately, not for myself, but for people I have met lately as well as others.  I tried to explain it Sunday in our community group and I don't think I really explained it how I feel.  I really want to point everyone I meet to the Lord and tell them how great He is.  I don't want others that are Christian to tread water and waste so much of life like I did just making it through the day, instead of enjoying all that God has done for us.  Serving others and helping others has become a priority for me as well.  I can't always help everyone but I can try to help as many as possible.  Taking time to listen to others and to share what is going on in my life and how the Lord has been working on me has come to the fore  front as I believe God has given me this tumor for a reason and I want to leverage it to help others.  God has given each one of us a "story" leverage it to point others to him.

Thank you for praying for me and my family, please continue to do so!

God's ability to put people in our lives just when we need them.

It is funny how God works in our lives to put someone in your life at just the right time.  I was at the hospital on Wednesday night visiting a friend, when we were waiting for the elevator at the parking garage.  A lady and two Teen girls walked up to get the elevator as well.  I happened to look over and one of the girls had a shirt that Said “Hope” with a gray ribbon and it also said the Robert Preston Tish Brain Tumor clinic on it as well.  I told her I liked her shirt.  Her mom chimed in and said that the girls dad had a brain tumor in 2008 or 2009 and they thought that he would not make it.  But he had surgery and chemo and radiation and the tumor is completely gone.  Then I proceeded to tell them that I have a brain tumor and was diagnosed back in February.  The whole family said “God is good!” and the mother told me that her husband’s doctor told him that he was a walking miracle, since they did not think that they would be able to do anything for him.  

            Kara and I talked on the way home and I told her that God has been putting strange scenarios in my life, and I am not sure why.  I said that I feel he put that one in my life as a comfort to us.  I told her that I am still not sure why the accident was put in my life on Wednesday morning, but I am sure He will reveal that to me when I need to know. I just pray that Marcus recovers well from the accident, please pray for him.  

            Also, I had several “episodes” yesterday.  It is disappointing when this happens.  Yes I know I have a brain tumor, but it is a lot easier to cope with it when I am not having any symptoms.  Please pray for me as I go this coming Wednesday to see if the tumor has changed any.  Please pray that it has either stayed the same or gotten smaller.  I am good with it being there as long as it doesn’t grow.  But I am also good if the Lord decides to work a miracle in my life and make it vanish.

What is wrong with us?

This morning I was on the way to work thinking about so many things that are up in the air in my life right now when I drove by a Jeep Cherokee sitting in the ditch on the other side of the road.  I looked as I went by and it was a fresh accident….but no one was stopping.  I drove down a little ways to the next driveway and watched in my rear view mirror as car after car passed but no one stopped.  I turned around and went back to the Jeep and got my umbrella and got out to see if anyone was in the car.  As I looked  in the car I saw someone slumped over the steering wheel.  I opened the car door and about that time someone had pulled up behind me (She had turned around as well) and came up to the car about the time I opened the door.  Thank God she was a Nurse as she  knew what to do, she checked his pulse and couldn’t find one and she yelled at the man and no response.  She dialed 911 and they walked her through questions and dispatched paramedics.  After about 5 minutes he started to come to.  She asked him his name and he said it was Marcus (At least that is what we made out) He said his back hurt really bad and he could not feel his legs.   About that time the paramedics came and she went over to fill them in on what was going on.  He started to try to move and I told him don’t move until the paramedics came over.  I told him that the most important thing was to not move yet. Strangely enough the next thing he said was “I am going to be late for work”.  I told him to not worry about work he wasn’t going today. I then thought, I should pray for him.  So I started to pray for him in a forced fashion, not a natural reaction as it should be. They got him out of the car and into the ambulance and that was that.

There are many things that have bothered me since I left.   The first, why have we gotten to the point to where we don’t help others unless it is convenient?  It was pouring rain, and people were hurrying to work, and everyone passed this car thinking, someone else will stop.  This time I did stop (And a nurse too) but how many times have I seen someone that needs someone, and did not take a minute to help them?  It makes me sick that even as a Christian I have this ability to not care inside of me.  Since I have been diagnosed, I have tried to make a conscious effort to help others when I can. I still fail all the time at doing this but each day I try to do better.  

Another thing that bothers me was that prayer was not the first thing I thought to do.  Marcus needed prayer, and from me it came as “oh yeah, I should pray” and then it was a struggle to do.  Again, it makes me mad that I am a Christian and have been for many years, and still it is not a natural thing for me to do.  I am sure I am not the only one with this problem, and that makes me sad.  What has gotten us as people to this point?  Our friends hurt and we do nothing because we have other more important things to do that it will interrupt. Others need us, even if it is to just listen to them so they don’t feel so alone.  The point is we need each other, and we should be there for each other, but yet we are not, not truly anyway.  You catch a glimpse of it here and there but on a consistent basis, we are not.  I am tired of being that way…you should be too.

Pray for Marcus, pray that he is healed.  He said his birthday is Friday, he will be 21.  Pray that he has a better future ahead of him. Maybe if you start by praying for him, the next time someone needs you, it will be easier to do, and each time will become easier until it is second nature.  I pray to God that I can become the person that when there is a need, they will come to me.

           

Rememberance

We go through life each day trying to please someone, whether it be our spouse, parents, a friend, a hopeful girlfriend or boyfriend.  We long to be looked highly upon by others.  We want to be remembered it is in our nature.  I am no exception, I have longed for others to recognize me and appreciate me.  I enjoy when others want to be around me and enjoy my company, when someone calls because they are thinking about me, when my wife does something special just because she loves me.  The thing is, even if I had none of these people, I would still have that one that wants to spend time with me, who longs to be with me, that wants my attention as well….that would be our Lord and Savior.  What’s even better is that His love is unconditional.  He loves us no matter what sin we have committed, whether or not we even pay attention to Him.  He loves us….period.  It is up to us if we accept Him and love him back.  It is a conscious effort that requires no work, no special ceremony, nor a Priest on our behalf to do so.  Just one genuine prayer from us expresses our love and our need for Jesus, and we give our lives to Him.  Many think it is too simple to be true, but it is not.  

     After thinking about this, and reading my daily devotional, I realize that while friends matter, the one true friend we already have matters much more.  When I am gone, I do want friends, family, and others to remember me, that I loved our Lord and was a Godly man, but what I want them to remember the most, is how much God loved me.